I don’t wanna!….QUIT.

time to leave

Something struck my attention from reading my posts. From reading them, and thinking about the articles, I noticed something. One stubbornness and the more prevalent one quitting.

Quitting is something I have only been superb at or horrible at. Never the happy medium. Take my pursuit of dentistry. Before making this decision, I should have thought back to what happened in my past during school.

While sitting and pondering this, something clicked. I am not suited for science as much as I am for other things. In elementary school, science and math were my weakest subjects. I worked harder in them to receive mediocre scores than I did in subjects like English, Writing, Arts, Communications etc. This should have told me something.

In middle school, the same thing occurred. My strongest courses were everything not related to science or math. I made it through, by no means was it extraordinary. Obviously, I was not paying attention.

In high school, the same thing happened. Somewhat. I excelled in Physics, but I was horrible in mathematics. I was hideous in Biology, and mediocre in Chemistry. For some reason, overlooking these things was not a problem. This shows me merely one thing; my brain is not wired for science. I enjoy reading about science, I think writing about some of it is interesting. Studying it however is a waste of time for me. I remember struggling for hours on problems and feeling miserable when the study of science was suggested. I still get irritated when someone asks me about science.

Again, this should tell me something. I am stubborn.

Somehow, all this science led me to my English professor and a few others suggesting I pursue dentistry. I thought about it, I looked into it, and I liked it. Then. I decided that I would attend a school that had a dentistry program, and everything else that interested me. Which is how I ended up there. Which is fine because I made some great friends, connections and had some fun along the way.

By no means was the trip and easy one. I digress.

Quitting.

It seems really hard for me to do this. Hearing the word makes me cringe.

I have always associated quitting as something bad. Quitting when one needs to is a great asset. One I’m still learning.

When I was younger and even now I’ve quit things that would have been immensely beneficial for me. I remember when I was in the fourth grade or so, I decided that I wanted to quit Boy Scouts. I don’t remember having any reason for quitting it except that I just wanted to. Nothing bad had happened, and I was actually doing really well at it. The benefits the scouts would have presented me could have been great. Networking, scholarships, great friends. I’m just not sure why.

Fast forward a few years to around when I was in sixth grade. I was taking Tae Kwon Do, and I was doing well at this also. Guess what? I quit. One belt away from black! This still angers me today. I am doing something about it now though. To this day I still do not understand why I quit this when I was so close to Black. The benefits of this would have been superb as well. A black belt, confidence, technique, patience. Not quitting. This quitting never made sense to me at all. I was one belt away from black! I am not sure why I wanted to quit, but I’m sure that the reason was ignorant. Part of me wishes my parents made me continue. However, the decision was mine to make. At my age though, I do not believe I made a rational decision. How out of it must I have been to just quit like that?

In high school, the same thing happened. I played Football, Wrestled, Track & Field, Swimming, and Tennis. I quit each one of them.

I played football for three years in high school. I was pretty decent my first year, and after that I was a mediocre player. After my first year, and I became so bad at it, I should have quit because it wasted time I could have used developing something I was good at. This was an instance when I should have quit. However, I knew my track record with quitting so I decided to keep going at it, even though I was not great. In my last two years playing, I barely played. I was wasting time, I was miserable and I was not enjoying myself. It showed on the field too.

The same with wrestling. I sucked at it and I wouldn’t quit. I wasted two years in this as well instead of strengthening skills elsewhere.

Tennis was the sport I was actually good at, and I was flat-out bad in Track & Field.

I was also a member of the band. I played the Alto and Baritone Saxophone. I loved every minute of it too. I was in Jazz, and Symphonic Band. I never did marching band though; it conflicted with football. Instead of wasting time with football, I could have focused on band and marching. I could have potentially gotten a band scholarship. Schools gave great scholarships to marching band students. I could have done the same. I still received some, however having something like this could have helped a lot.

I participated in other organizations as well, however they aren’t the focal point.

The point is this. I have never been good a quitting the right things. I’ve gotten better though.

In college, I became a little better but not great at this. I still struggle with it. Here, I overloaded myself with organizations and groups, and classes, because of how much of a failure I felt like going into school.I was repeating the cycle again. Then I met some key people. They know who they are. I thank God for having them in my life. They’ve helped me through this more than they know. I love them, and I know they know it.

Since writing all of this, I still have no idea why I have a hard time quitting. I just know that I do. I just need to figure out why……..

Suggestions? Advice?

Far From Idle

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3 thoughts on “I don’t wanna!….QUIT.

  1. It seems like you have not defined for yourself what criteria you will use to quit something, and what you require to continue something you suck at.
    It’s like the death penalty. Most people don’t want to kill anyone, but every society decides that there are certain things that are punishable by death. In other words, things that justify killing. (intense analogy, I know)

    Your next thoughts could consider the following:
    -When have I ever been happy with quitting something?
    -Why was I happy doing so?
    -What did I seek when I quit? What did I actually get? (not always the same)

    IC

    1. True, that’s because I’m not sure what the criteria is. The analogy is fine. It makes sense.

      I will take them into consideration. Thanks for the suggestion/advice.

      FFI

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